so many shits bombard me at a time. please spare me off all this torment. i cant stand it,i really dont know wot to do. why are all thia happening to me? i know ive disappointed my parents,im sorry. but please understand me too? i would not wana eleborate any further. i'm trying to hold back my tears and put on a strong front. so many things to juggle at a time. family,friends,my bf and studies. family - you dont talk to me when i go home. you dont ask like a "how is your day in school?" or "do you have enough to spend this week do u need more?" thats why i dont feel like going home early.wot can i do when i go home early?be a coach potato? cope myself up in the room and blast loud music? friends - seriously saying,i feel quite left out during sat's liquid room. you guys were going trigger happy yes. i aint in most of the photos. and normally i would be in most of the photos. wot im trying to say isnt bout the fotos,but...........i dont know maybe ive neglect you guys. but i dont wana feel neglected by you guys.cos you guys are the only people whom ive known for many years.you people were there for me when i was at my most confused state.i really wana spend time with you people but outings and meetings were always set so late.and now that i've got limited cash,i really dont know wot to do.my dear friends,please understand.i need all of your support to keep me going strong. bf - baby you've been there for me when im at my lowest point.i love you and you're the one who completed my life.you are the only person that can make me smile.i know we do have many quarrels and bickerings but all this aint gonna be an obstacle between us.all the quarrels we had would be lessons learnt to perfect our relationship.we are always troubled by monetary issues. and you seemed so down ytd when we had that long talk which made me miss many buses.but it was all well worth it.yes i do wana enjoy all the shopping and splurging of money.if u ask me why all our allowance dried up so fast before even approaching the end of the week,i really dont know.money jus come and go,in a snap.i know we've tried many ways to save and use money wisely and it aint working,we can try again.i dont wana give up baby.i need you to help me too.2 brains work better than 1 and we need 2 hands in order to clap.alright baby? studies - studies had been all going okay for me. no problems occured and i jus hope to pass my marco econs which i had failed last semester. and i jus hope i can pass all my modules and not retain. i thought i would jus like to write all this down to lessen my burden in me. i dont need any sympathy from anyone or any fuckers who thought i might be acting like a drama queen. this is jus wot im feeling now and only those who are close to me understands.

so much tears were shed. so many quarrels we had. all this are not going to make me give up on you but only cherish you more. you made my life complete. all i jus wana say baby,i love you.

now we can reunite altogether again and make wot is shown above happen.

Everyone wants to be pampered. But getting pampered might not be a good thing. Trust me. to me,getting pampered means getting everything you want. making you happy everytime you want something. it also leads to giving in to you all the time,being patient with you. really patient. so being pampered can get u really spoilt. so why am i saying all this? cos i wana get spoilt. i wana be given in all the time. cos i feel loved when you does that to me. i know you're patient with me. but you dint try harder. are you gonna give up on me so easily? you jus flare up when i dint smile when u tried cheering me. like..this might not work,but another way might. did u try? wot you did was keeping silent all the way. if my mood is affecting you,im sorry. i jus hope that u can cheer me up when im jusshowingsomefkingintolerablenonsense. and after you hang up with me,i was jus hoping for u to text me via hp. it might not be long and wordy,it may jus be short and simple. it can jus be a "baby,im sorry.u know how much i love you." and that would make my day,that would make me happy. im waiting,and still waiting. but all my waiting are going up in vain. but i still hafta say this, i <3 you.

i had a long shopping list. and i need money to fulfill all my wants. i cant get to slp now,cos all my wants are haunting me. they are calling out to me. period.

so i finally watched mr and mrs smith. it was nice. so ive decided to try out a new stragedy. a new way to save money so that at the end of the week,like on saturdays,i would have more to spend. seriously i figured out that my allowance does not really allow me to splurge. it does like time when im single. but not now i guess. i think im gonna cut my hair soon. its getting loooooooooooooooooooooonnnnng.

i seriously cant get to sleep. tomo is slping,phia is clubbing,xinny is in aussie. so i decided to just pen it down here to make myself feel better. i jus had a big quarrel with my boyfriend,again. it jus happened yesterday and it's happening again today. why are all this happening to me? why are all the bad things falling upon me? we quarrelled over the smallest thing ever and it can be transformed into a big one which involves all the shouting and flowing of tears. thinking back,all this really hurt me when it happened. i think it's just me,it's me who is always starting all this fucking shit. and all this fucking shit is making him shout at me which i dislike. i dislike having my boyfriend,whom i love so dearly,to shout at me. thou i know he dint mean it. but when he does that,i jus feel totally hurt,sad,down wotever negative feelings which you can think of just dump it all in. that's wot i feel when both of us quarrel. TOTAL FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. sometimes i really feel that my attitude,all my nonsense,are too intoleraterable. im not worth all this toleration. who am i to vent my anger on? where do i have all the right into doing all this to make you tolerate me? i feel so lousy now. im such a lousy girlfriend. why cant i jus give in sometimes and not make things difficult for him? why can i do such a simple thing which i think probably all the girlfriends out there who got boyfriends,are doing? maybe it all jus slides down to me being too difficult. i depend and rely on my boyfriend too much. is that the reason is to why all this shits are happening? but the reason is to why i rely and depend on him because i wana get pampered by him. i want to feel like a little girl. jus like a 3 year old girl when she is given a candy. i wana be loved by him totally,whole-heartedly. maybe im asking too much? but that's just me.ok im really a fucking bitch. for once,im at a complete loss. -baby im really sorry that all this is happening to us. like u said nothing can bring us apart but i truely am feeling really lousy and down right now. you know i love you so much so much and my heart would always be with you. thou i am really unreasonable at times,i just hope that you will be able to tolerate all this. at the end of the day,all this quarrels aint important to me. wot is the most important thing is that we are able to go thru all this together and realising we hafta cherish each other more. the sun will only rise after a storm right? i love you with all my heart baby boy. you will always be my one and only pomelo head.

to make up for wot has terribly happened. baby im sorry,ok both of us are at fault alright. wot has happened had made me cherish you even more. you know i still love you as much. and the place you stood in my heart could never be replaced. and this is wot i do when im high on booze.

i have been going to town everysingleday ever since last week. money hasnt been really enough as usual. madagascar was fking funny,it was hilarous! so it has been a long time since i drank alcohol and it i finally booze it all up on sat. so school has started all once more and im so bored of it. i think prolly the most exciting part of school was waking up in the morning and deciding wot to wear. but im running out of clothes. anyone care to be my santa? ohhhhh ive got a santa anyway yes? maybe clubbing should not be a top piority now to me so that i can spend more on other stuff. -baby thank you for the top you bought but can i have the mickey necklace too?hehe.

i love you bigbig pomelo head. and for you my dear,im counting down to each day to your glorious arrival.